You have fashion shots of your Tomatoes and Peppers
on your office
shelf..
Your idea of a hot date on a Saturday evening is in the garden hand
pollinating plants.
You rush home from work and go straight to the garden and hug your
roses (Ouch!), then you go in to your house and see your family.
After the first frost, you hold funeral services in your garden.
When the earthworms all call you Granny (or Gramps) ~ Leo |
| when you compost your old truck to add ironrite to
the soil! ~ Tadpole |
| when what they are planting is YOU! ~ M.E. |
| when you start packing "Weed be gone" in your
purse ~ J.J. |
| when you begin to recognize weeds by their roots ~
Maureen |
when looking at your compost pile makes you feel all
warm inside
~ Mark |
| when taking your last ride in a hearse you reach out
take cuttings
off the wreaths ~ John |
| when you talk to the trees and they answer back ~ John |
| when your weeds and you become friends ~ Elaine |
| when someone steps on your lawn and alarms go off and
a voice says,
"Please step away from the grass" ~ Viffer |
| when people you don't know find you on the Internet
to sell you seeds
~ Skip |
| when you try to get up and find that roots have come
from your knees
and are holding you fast ~ Jhen |
| when you have to scrape the ice off your chives
~ Norm |
when you take a second look
at the advertisement
--
GROW VEGGIES in minus 40 degrees
~ Shirley |
when you visit a friend's home and start pulling
their weeds
~ Sheilagh |
| when your garden is tidier than the inside of
your house ~ Judy |
| when you develop an irresistible liking for
periwinkle and English
ivy ~ Freek |
| when someone says, "a rose is a rose," you go into a
two hour lecture
on why it ain't necessarily so! ~ Sharon |
| when you replace your shampoo with Miracle-Gro, water
thoroughly, and
keep a record of the new growth ~ Tyra |
| when you hear someone say 'crap!' your first response
is to grab a
shovel and say "where??" ~ Tyra |
when you are afraid of cutting the lawn in case your
honey shrunk the
kids
~ Nigel |
| when you talk to your scarecrow and it answers back ~
Nigel |
| when your left hand looks like a spade and your right
hand looks like
a rake ~ Bridget |
| when the plants & flowers start talking to you! ~
troops |
| when you even call your kids by their Latin names
~ Brenda |
| when you fertilize the vegetables on your dinner
plate! ~ Jill |
| when you put bender boards at the edges of your
carpet ~ John |
| when you run your fingers through your spouse's hair
and think it needs
dethatching ~ John |
| when you think Miracle Grow *does* taste better than
fertilizer pellets
~ John |
| when you name your kids Rose, Daisy, Violet, and Lily
-- even though
they're all boys ~ H&D |
| when the sun has gone down & your husband comes
outside to find
you lying on your back near the bed you've been weeding with a trowel
in
your hand and your eyes closed ~ Rose |
| when you frequently catch yourself daydreaming about
manure ~ Jason |
when you butt in & correct the staff at the
nursery when they give
incorrect advice to customers ~ vette |
| when when you use your tax refund check to buy more
plants ~ Vette |
| you let the volunteer's grow "just to see if it is
something I could
use" ~Vette |
| when you can't imagine why people go out on vacations
since the garden
has everything to offer ~ Colette |
| when you actually enjoy and proudly display the 32
separate kinds of
colored fungus growing on your flower bed mulch ~ Donna |
| when you start watering the moss that has overtaken
your lawn ~ Gumby |
| when you have so much 'permanent' dirt embedded under
your nails, that
you can no longer do the wash. Your nails stain the clothes as
you
move them from the washer to the dryer ~ Anita |
| when you move the garage to make way for more
perennial beds ~ Herb |
| when when you look down your nose at those 'weekend
gardeners' who
don't start their own annuals from seed ~ Anita |
| when you rent a self drive truck and spend six hours
on the motorway
with 1000lbs of well rotted horse manure, which you got cheap on
Dartmoor
~ Douglas |
| when you start putting Seasol on your corn flakes ~
Beryl |
| when "multiculturalism" means planting flowers among
your vegetable
beds ~ Beryl |
| when GST means "get stakes for the tomatoes"~ Beryl |
| when you go say hello to your garden before you go
into the house after
a vacation ~ Roxanne |
| when your kids cringe or hold their breath whenever
they are in the
car with you and you drive past a garden centre ~ Roxanne |
| when you wake up in the middle of the night and make
a note of which
plant should be moved where ~ Roxanne |
| when you say, "Death to the bunnies" ~ Lisa |
| when you squish bugs by hand without shuddering ~
Deborah |
| when your spouse buys you composters and yard carts
for your birthday...
and you think it's romantic ~ Deborah |
when you offer your friends manure tea instead
of iced tea
~ Deborah |
| when you plan your family vacations around planting
times ~ Sabrina |
| when you think manure tea would make an excellent
hostess gift (and
wish someone would bring you some) ~ Wheatdee |
| when the local garden centre sends you Christmas and
Birthday cards
~ WheatDee |
| when the garden centre calls you at home to see
if you are all
right because you haven't been in for a few days ~ WheatDee |
when you find your rooting hormone alongside your
vitamins
~ Lyndsay |
| when your neighbours complain of an ever present
noxious weed and have
you removed at YOUR expense! ~ Lyndsay |
when the worms start slithering out from beneath your
knees
~ Mrs. Jafe |
| when you permanently have grass and weed stains on
the palms of your
hands ~ Mrs. Jafe |
| when bees start pollinating you ~ Mrs. Jafe |
| when you dig a hole to plant a petunia and you
keeping digging till
you have a pond ~ Jan |
| when the flowers DO talk back to you ! ~ Tami |
| when you talk to your plants more than you do humans
~ Jim |
| when frogs, toads and lizards are your best friends ~
Elsie |
| when you will no longer eat vegetables ~ Elsie |
| when the ER doctor comes in with your X-rays and you
ask him how badly
the daisies were hurt when you fell into them ~ Len |
| when your fingers turn brown ~ Louise |
when you understand, relate to, and agree with the
Mad Gardener
~ Chris |
| when you prefer seed catalogues to Victoria's Secret
catalogue ~ David |
| when your friends and neighbours all hide as soon as
the first sign
of zucchini appear ~ Shauna |
See entries
from previous contests here 
