The best way to garden is to put on a wide
brimmed straw hat and some old clothes.
And with a hoe in one hand and a cold
drink in the other, tell somebody else
where to dig. How to stop a dog from digging in a
garden. Start right! Never let the dog see
you digging . . . Doggy see, doggy do
Grass is just a flower bed in waiting
Why do melons have fancy weddings?Because they cantaloupe.
Two friars are having trouble paying off
the belfry, so they open a florist shop. Everyone
wants to buy flowers from the men of God
so business is quickly booming. The
florist across town sees a huge drop in
sales and asks the two friars to close
but they refuse. A month
later the florist begs the friars to close
because he’s having trouble feeding his
they refuse, so the florist hires Hugh
McTaggert. Hugh is
the roughest, toughest thug in town and is
hired to “persuade” the friars to close. Hugh asks
the friars to close their florist shop. When they
refuse, he threatens to beat the crap out
of them and wreck their shop every day
they remain open, so they close. This
proves once again that Hugh and only Hugh
can prevent florist friars. ~ Paul Grass is just a flower bed in waiting New gardeners learn by by trowel and
AD for ant traps. "Will kill ants for 3
. . . do they come back to life then? I left packet a of seeds in my pocket and
my coat turned into a Chia jacket Compost is best
aged a little like a fine wine. I mean,
would you prefer to drink a nice 97, or
something that was made last Thursday. Grow your own dope........Plant a man
~Faye If I could only grow green stuff in my
garden like I can in my refrigerator Two older ladies were sitting on a park
bench outside the local town hall where a
flower show was in progress.
One leaned over and said, "Life is so
boring. We never have any fun anymore.
For $5.00 I'd take my clothes off right
now and streak through that stupid
flower show!" "You're on!" said the
other old lady, holding up a $5.00 bill.
As fast as she could, the first little
old lady fumbled her way out of her
clothes and, completely naked, streaked
through the front door of the flower
Waiting outside, her friend soon heard
a huge commotion inside the hall,
followed by loud applause. The naked
lady burst out through the door
surrounded by a cheering crowd.
"What happened?" asked
her waiting friend. "Why, I won first prize
for Best Dried Arrangement."
The cat was hoist on his own petard while swinging from trees in the yard he did many tricks even pausing for licks but got hung out on his own leotard Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure
you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on
it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it
is a valuable plant. ~ Joan I'm a gardener and I'm OK I sleep all night and I plant all day! I dress in grubby clothing, and hang
around with slugs. Oh I'm happy in the garden With dirt and plants and bugs . . .
(to the tune of Monty
Python's "I'm a Lumberjack") Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled. A toddler who was found chewing on a
slug. After the initial surge of disgust the
parent said, "Well . . . What does it taste like?" "Worms," was the reply. Spring does not
arrive until the ice is out of the
compost heap. Winter does not
arrive until the ice is IN the compost.
Until then, all bets are off. ~
Ellen, MG. Another unwritten rule of gardening --
any self-respecting rock will break at
least one shovel before accepting its new
home. Compostaphile and Compostaphobe -- To rot
or not to rot . . . Headline: Dog attacks topiary cat. Sometimes what a man says, says more
about the man. Here is a quote from President George
Bush in 1990: "I do not like broccoli. And haven't
liked it since I was a little kid and my
mother made me eat it. I'm President of
the United States and I'm not going to eat
any more broccoli.". . . Umm! A weed is a plant that has mastered every
survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows. The four seasons are salt, pepper,
mustard and vinegar. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a
fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They are difficult to get started, emit
foul smells and don't work half the time.
Every garden is unique with a multitude of
choices of soils, plants and themes.
Finding your garden theme is as easy as
seeing what brings a smile to your face --
Teresa Watkins A good compost pile should get hot enough
to poach an egg, but not so hot it would cook a lobster. Gardening requires a lot of water - most
of it in the form of perspiration. A Veggie New Age Song: Peas would rule the planets, and love
would clear the bars. It was the dawning of the Age of
Asparagus, age of asparagus The difference between weeds and flowers
is the weeds are the easiest ones to pull
out. What's green and walks through walls?
Casper the friendly cucumber.
Man at the market: "My
wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables.
Have these been sprayed with any poisonous
"No," replied the gardener,"you'll
have to do that yourself."