***ZUCCHINISTEIN***
The major motion
picture about a gardener gone mad. Soundtrack by the Squishing
Squashes,
including their hit title No I am not a cucumber. You'll never
look
at fertilizer the same way. ~ Leigh
(The contest winner) |
| put them along the fence lines
and use them as
decorations. Most ranchers put out their old boots, but not me,
ranchers
from all around will come to see the gleaming, green, shiny skins of my
zucchinis sticking up toward the sky from my fence posts. Carhenge
watch
out!!!!!!!!!!! ~ Kathleen |
| use them at the next county
fair for the annual
zucchini roll. Instead of eggs, we would roll s with our nose and
race from one end to the other. What a hit, the annual zucchini
roll,
replacing the egg roll. ~ Kathleen |
| spray paint them a lovely gold
and arrange them
into a festive wreath a-la-Martha Stewart. Top with a wonderful red
velvety
bow. (I just know she's going to steal this idea). ~ Brenda |
| sigh . . . the look of horror
that crosses my
victims faces. Delightful zucchini . . . I am never without my zucchini
- the wonderful gift of the earth. After another unsuccessful attempt
at
trying to make my family eat zucchini, there was a knock at my door. A
salesman, clad in cheap clothes and a cheap smile, greeted me.
Zucchini
in hand, I shouted at him to leave, shaking the zucchini I had readied
for family at him. Fear spread across his face and he quickly left,
forgetting
to give me his sales pitch. Now I keep a fresh zucchini by my door for
all those unwelcome visitors. ~ Devona |
| give the really big ones to my
mechanic husband
to put behind the wheels of the car, on a hill. ~ Eileen |
| try to put Viagra outta
business. ~ Sey |
| try to convince my dogs to try
them freeze-dried.~
Sey |
shred them and blow 'em into my
attic as insulation.
~ Jason |
bag them up & leave them in
all of my neighbours
cars (after I made sure that MY car doors are locked).
~ Mrs. Corvette |
| invent a zucchini gun (like the
spud gun, only
longer calibre & longer range). ~ Mrs. Corvette |
| feed my ducks for free (for a
change). ~ Ultra |
| draw faces on them and sell
them as "greenie
beanies". ~ Jams |
| start a new holiday: "It's the
Great Zucchini,
Charlie Brown". ~ Hermit |
| Where I grew up, the only time
you ever locked
your doors was when the zucchini ripened, so the neighbours couldn't
"donate"
theirs onto your porch. ~ Hermit |
| use them as an excellent
revenge-getter, by dropping
them off at some pesky person's place, insisting that you are being
generous,
and when they complain some day that you never do anything for them,
remark
(angelically of course!) that you gave them a beautiful bunch of
zucchini's
one year! ~ Rebecca |
| use them as pest control - the
two legged kind.
I put them in a large box in the corner of the kitchen, along with
stacks
of "zucchini recipes" I have downloaded from the internet (like
meatless
zucchini meat loaf, zucchini balls, zucchini ice-cream and my
fave
- zucchini surprise - it's surprising if anyone eats it!)
The
result - no one's been near the dinner table for a week and no one
(in-laws
included) has "dropped in" unexpectedly for dinner. The result -
I get a much needed rest and they don't discover I'm not actually
cooking
anything until about Christmas. ~ Jennifer |
| start a business selling "Earth
friendly baseball
bats for T-Ball players. ~ Moni |
In case no one in the church
has had a baby recently
--
wrap a zucchini up in "swaddling
clothes" to
play the baby Jesus in the Christmas pageant. No crying, no
puking
and best of all -- no pooping from the manger. ~ Jennifer |
| paint them brown, box as cigars
and give to people
who smoke too much. ~ Beryl |
| Market them as vegetarian
sausages. ~ Beryl |
| tie them together as a raft for
going over Niagara
Falls. ~ Beryl |
| wow your colleagues at the next
office party
by serving up Yogurt-dipped Zuke Medallion Popsicles. It's a good
thing! ~ Martha Shabby |
| Use them for bowling pins! Then
use the old pumpkins
as bowling balls ~ Mario |
| Save them for Santa . . . he
could give zucchini
. . . to all the naughty people . . . in their stockings . . . instead
of coal or potatoes. ~ Santa's Elf |
| I would give a Zucchini to each
of my children
every school day to take to their homeroom teacher, with the
explanation
of: Due to the budget situation of the World, we found it to be more
affordable
to bring a Zucchini a day rather than an Apple. Besides, zucchinis have
more roughage! ~ Ben |
| Send them to President Clinton!
~ Gbury |
| sell it to shipping companies
as ballast, then
if you're shipwrecked you won't starve . . . or would you? ~ Island
Dweller |
| Send them into outer space . .
. Didn't you know
that is why aliens come here. They are producing mass amounts of
zucchini on earth for future assimilation. Resistance is futile.
~ Lucutus of Borg |
| use them in and an age old cold
remedy: ZUCCHINI
TEA (pour 6 gallons boiling water into a bucketful of coarsely chopped
zukes and drink hourly until Elvis appears in your mirror) -
Gumbolina |
| scoop them out and varnish them
to make one of
those streamlined bicycle helmets, or as a chin warmer for Mr. Brian
Mulroney
-- maybe Martha could be consulted about lining it. ~ Gertrude |
| use one in the toilet tank as a
water saver ~
Max |
| Give the Zucchinis to the 'Two
Fat Ladies' they
will will cook up a storm. The British TV cooking show. ~ Nigel |
See entries from previous contests here 
