A peculiar event happened during my early transition period. I think of
the event as The Adjustment, as it is indeed a major adjustment in the
process of transitioning. The exact timing of The Adjustment is not known,
but in early February 2000, I realized that The Adjustment had occurred. The
realization came spontaneously and solidly, during a trip to a local shopping
In early February 2000, I entered my personal bank account manager’s office to finalize the paperwork for a personal line of credit. The paperwork took about ten to fifteen minutes. After the bank manager had attended to the records, she asked whether she could talk to me regarding transsexuality. Always eager to educate the cisgendered, I spent the next thirty to forty minutes discussing transsexuality with my bank account manager. She, like others who had asked, was genuinely interested in knowing about transsexuals.
After the meeting, I left the bank and started walking through the mall to the grocery store. About midway between the bank and the grocery store, an unusual thought occurred to me. I stopped. I pondered.
When did It happen?
How did It happen?
Why did It happen?
Why had I not noticed that It had happened?
There is no question that It had happened, but It happened without being noticed.
What is It? It is an adjustment in one’s viewpoint of being transsexual. Throughout my entire life before transitioning, I had felt a shame for being a transsexual and a guilt for having the feelings of being a girl. However, I no longer felt the shame or the guilt, and I had not felt them in the last few months. In the place of the shame and the guilt were two new, foreign feelings.
The first, and most important, of the two new feelings was a comfort with, and an acceptance of, being a transsexual. No longer was I trapped in the world without self-esteem, self-acceptance, self-respect and self-love. No longer did I need to hide my true feelings and pretend to be someone who was satisfied with herself. Day after day, I was living as me and not really thinking about being transsexual.
The second of the two new feelings was a mild pride at being a transsexual. This was shocking! How can anyone be proud to be a transsexual? Not that I was going to shout it to the world, but if someone I knew asked whether I was a transsexual, I would be comfortable and proud to say that I am a transsexual. But can one be proud to be a transsexual? How can one do this?
A transsexual occupies a special place in the world of sexuality. A transsexual’s psyche incorporates both masculinity and femininity, in a unique balance. A transsexual occupies both the male world and the female world, without being tied to either world. "A foot in each world, while not residing wholly in either."
We transsexuals can see sexuality in a much clearer light than most cisgendered persons.
Comfortable and Proud to be Transsexual?
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Last Updated: 22 March 2009 (site moved to new server)