Coming out at one's place of employment is troublesome, to say the least. However, there are measures that one can take to lessen the impact and to reduce the backlash of coming out in the workplace.
Before I begin to describe how I came out to my employers and co-workers, a little background information would be useful.
I am a male-to-female transsexual, a professional engineer, and until mid-February 2000, I was employed by a large consulting engineering company in Kitchener, Ontario.
The effects of my hormone therapy were becoming noticeable. Consequently, I felt the need to start coming out to various people. I came out to my family in October and November 1998. Then, letters were sent to my relatives, at Christmas time 1998, to let them know about my condition.
The time was approaching when it would be necessary to tell my employer and co-workers what was happening to me. The changes from the hormone therapy, both the physical and psychological changes, were inescapable - people were noticing!
In early January 1999, I purposely "let it slip" that I was transsexual and that I was undergoing a gender transition. I did this "let it slip" to two of our secretaries, who are very good friends and who agreed to keep my secret a secret. Accommodating their curiosity and wanting to get their comments and suggestions, the three of us held lunchtime meetings, during which we discussed what it was like being a transsexual and how I should proceed to come-out at work.
As I had done with my family months before, I prepared a come-out letter to hand to the person to whom I was coming out to. I approached one of the managers, not in my department but someone who I could trust to be sympathetic and trustworthy. We arranged a lunch meeting between the two of us, at a local restaurant. During the meeting, we discussed how I should proceed to come-out to my managers. Incorporating feedback from the secretaries, I then requested a meeting, in February 1999, with the Vice President of my division.
The VP and I drove to a local doughnut shop and discussed my transsexuality and how we were going to proceed. The VP’s main concern was to ensure that I would not be subject to harassment or to abuse as a result of being a transsexual.
Back at the office, we then called in a Human Resources person to assist in the corporate come-out. The three of us then developed a plan of attack, based on a concept that I had developed four months previously. Our plans and proposed memos were run through the legal department and changes were incorporated to satisfy the lawyers.
The key points to the plans were:
The select group was told by me, not the VP. This was done in an end-of-day meeting where I did a speech based loosely on my come-out letter. These co-workers were the ones that I worked with most closely.
I had booked the first two weeks of March 1999 for vacation-time. The division was holding its monthly divisional lunchtime meeting on the Tuesday of the first week. During that meeting, the VP did the come-out on my behalf. The Human Resources person was at another of our office buildings and presented the come-out there.
I returned to work nearly two weeks after the come-out had been conducted. When I did return, there was only a slight difference in the work environment discernible. A few individuals were obviously uncomfortable with the knowledge of my being a transsexual. However, no one said anything about my transsexuality and my co-workers conducted themselves as though nothing had been revealed. (Yes, I checked with the secretaries and everyone had been told.)
By having the VP do the come-out in my absence and by being away for the first two weeks following the come-out, my co-workers were reasonably free to discuss the issues amongst themselves without fear of my hearing. This permitted them the opportunity to resolve their problems with the news without having to deal with me directly, immediately. Following the meeting with the smaller group of co-workers and following my return, I received considerable words of sympathy and support from my co-workers.
Upon my return from the vacation during which the come-outs were done, one of the questions that frequently was asked was when would I start coming in dressed as a woman? The success of the come-out methodology told me that I should give my co-workers time to adjust to the idea of seeing me cross-living. So, on the Friday of my first week back (19 March), I announced that I would transition formally in late May. This would allow them approximately two months to accept the idea before having to adjust to seeing me as a woman. I transitioned on Saturday, 22 May 1999 and first appeared at work as a woman on the following Tuesday.
I was extremely nervous, for obvious reasons. However, the two months of notice had done its purpose. When I came in on that Tuesday, everyone treated me as though I had been a woman in their midst all along. They even referred to me using my new name and using the feminine pronouns.
I had a very smooth come-out and transition at work. Some of this may be attributed to the fact that we are a company of professionals and to the company's statement that no harassment and no abuse would be tolerated. However, I feel the largest contributing factor to the smooth transition is the approach that I had taken: give people time to accept and to adjust to the news before exposing them to the "new" me. I did this by being away during and following the come-out and by giving them two months notice of my transition date.
Transitioning At Work Links
Transition at Work -- Telling my Employer
Cassie’s Home Page
Cassie’s Menu Page
Last Updated: 22 March 2009 (site moved to new server)